Confused

This week has been one of the most confusing when it comes to my religious beliefs. I varied from wanting to run off to some foreign country to wondering whether or not I should be a Christian at all. I went from being truly excited to being somewhat depressed. I would explain it you, but I doubt many of you would understand how the New Testament dispensation works and why it is significant. I don't fully understand it myself. But a lot of deeply Christian things have been on my mind lately.

Though you won't be able to understand the 'doctrines' behind I feel, I could explain how I feel to you in non-religious terms. Do remember back when you were about 7? Back then it was really cool to hang out with the 'big kids'. It would make all of you other friends jealous when you had older friends. To be able to be accepted into such a grouping was something worth aspiring for. But when you start to hang out with these older children, you begin to notice something. They have their own, different way of living. They have special words that they alone use, special things that they alone do and experience. At first you ignore it. Then you try to imitate it. And then you realize that even though my imitating you come close to acting the same way they do, it's nothing like actually doing it. So then you begin to wonder why you're hanging out with them in the first place. Was it because you wanted to impress your other friends? Or because deep down, you want to be like the big kids?

Now picture that, except for the fact that you actually had to hang out with older children, seeing as how if you stop now, you could pretty much affect the lives of a significant number of people. That's how I feel. Or at least for I felt a little while ago. I sat down with one of my friends today, and told her all about how I felt. She was really understanding and gave me advice on how to solve the problems I was experiencing. So now, I feel the slightest bit better. Maybe the situation isn't as how I imagine it. Maybe I am one of the big kids. Maybe I just haven't realized it as yet.

P.S. If you haven't noticed, there's a link on the right had side of the blog to a "Like" page I've made on Facebook for this blog. Why? Partially because I have a big ego. But the real reason for making it is that I noticed that recently I've been getting a lot of views from Denmark. Now, I don't know anyone from Denmark, and I'd really like to get to know whoever it is that takes their precious time to read the craziness that I write, and to thanks them. So thank you, Denmark!!! You guys make me smile!!

See you tomorrow!