Doubt

I have a confession to make. I have doubts. About God. Not about whether something is what God wants me to do or not. I mean I doubt the very concept of God, of Christianity, of religion. I may be the Bible Study coordinator and I may have been a Christian for most of my life, but that doesn't mean that I'm always 100% sure of what I believe. Every time I read something about submitting yourself to God, there's a little voice in the back of my head that says "What if you're being a slave to a god that doesn't even exist?' Every time I think or hear about depending on God to supply all of your needs, I think "Why am I depending on something that I'm not even sure is there?" I wonder time and time again, whether or not I'm just being a blithering idiot.

I used to think that this was a bad thing. That I was a bad Christian because I had doubts about my religion. I used to think that maybe I wasn't even Christian because a real Christian doesn't question God. They obey, without thinking or asking anything, because that's what all good children of God do, right? I felt as if there was something wrong with me.

But the more thought about it, the more I saw that this wasn't a bad thing, or something that I shouldn't be doing. I, in fact, came to see it as being something healthy. If God wanted us to mindlessly agree with Him at all times, then He probably wouldn't have given us free will. I came to realize, that if I never doubted or questioned anything, I would never learn. I would be blindly trudging a path only because it was the only path that I knew. Doubt helps us grow. It helps us learn, and most of all, it gives us faith. If there was nothing to doubt, then there wouldn't be anything to have faith in. I'll never be 100% absolutely sure about God, but I guess that's the way it's supposed to be.

It's ok to doubt, just as long as it doesn't overpower you.